Tolerance, Awareness, Christians and Me!
71
Tonight I was reading an article by a writer who was sharing details of her personal life, and the writer was not preaching or saying anything controversial that would generally push buttons. However, I found myself reacting with some eye rolling, and a frown now and then, and a few clown faces behind the scenes every time she used the words, "the Lord shall punish" and "The Lord welcomes the saved" and "obey the Lord".
I had visions of fundamental Christians wielding machetes or pitchforks because my views and concept of God differs from theirs. But, then I realized that even if I may not be a pitchfork or machete woman, I............. was reacting with intolerance. The facial contortions suddenly stopped upon this realization. My, how quickly my face relaxed.
Here I am an individual who generally practices acceptance of all paths as long no one is maiming or killing or causing great suffering to a human or animal in order to support their belief system. I was reminded if I appreciate tolerance and acceptance for who I am and what I believe in, why not fully, totally extend it to others, in the privacy of my mind without stereotyping, just because I was annoyed?
We all are where we are, and no one really has the answer why we choose the paths or beliefs we do, or know who God truly is. We don't know what really happens to us when we die, we have an idea based on hope and faith or a story we create around the nature of creation.
In the expression of the human experience, diversity can teach us tolerance and true unconditional love. Its very easy to sing love songs along the lines, of "let's all hold hands and dance around the globe" when we share a commonality with kindred spirits, but the minute our buttons are pushed, as we often see in the forums and in our personal lives, we get an opportunity to know where we are in terms of tolerance, inner peace and awareness.
On Tolerance
What is tolerance? It is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly - that is the first law of nature.
Voltaire
Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival
Rene Dubos (Celebrations of Life, 1981)
I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers.
Kahlil Gibran
"In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher."
Dalai Lama
As Dr. Wayne Dyer, a spiritual writer and teacher has said, "When we squeeze an orange, no matter how tight we squeeze it, orange juice always follows," the same is for humans, "when we are squeezed, and provoked, what comes out? the same person/juice we generally are or an alter ego howling at the moon that scares little children?
I am thankful to that stranger whose path I may never cross again. In her way, she gifted me on this Christmas Day with a realization that even if I was a bit intolerant for a minute or two, I am also much more consciously aware of what is going on in me, and I let it go without self judgment. We are all, after all, a work in progress.
And yes, thankfully when I am squeezed by annoying humans, I don't really howl at the moon, I just make silly faces now and then. :)
Merry Christmas everyone!
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Thanks for your comments Sweetiepie, especially since you are a Christian and an open minded one. Guess narrow mindness and intolerance comes from a diverse group of paths and faiths.
I openly admit I'm intolerant of stupidity masquerading as something valid.
Hi, hot dorkage: Thanks for reading and your honesty.
Hi VioletSun--I really appreciate your kindness and caring, it really shines through this piece. You can really tell it came straight from the heart.
I'm more with hot dorkage though. Some fundamentalist beliefs are just hatred and distortion wrapped up in the cloak of religious piety, and I feel a responsibility to call other people on that kind of thing. If someone wants to believe in a lot of things that I find ridiculous, that is his or her right in this country and I have to let that person alone and let them live their life the way they want to live it. But the minute that person decides to push those beliefs on me that's when they've crossed a line and I get to say, "I don't think so." Sometimes though, if I can see it is fruitless, I just don't pick it up. I just let it drop--but I don't think that is so much tolerance on my part as exhaustion.
Great hub, thank you!
Marie- WOW!! Such a good and refreshing hub. I agree we can't control others actions but we can certainly control our reactions. If we step back at that moment or introspect why we act or react in a certain way then we all can avoid any unpleasant situation as they say it takes two to tango.
Hi VioletSun. Nice job. I definitely consider myself a good Christian. I'm far from a fundamentalist, though. (One might refer to me as a "half-assed Catholic"), but I think I'm a good person, which I believe in the end is the important thing. I believe those who push one's religious views on another, seriously believe they are doing the right thing-in their mind, anyway. I don't allow it to happen to me, though (ask the poor Jehovah's Witnesses who ring my doorbell), but I'm pretty tolerant. I do however, take issue with those who continually push their faith upon me and I will speak out. (And usually do)
Thanks for beinging the issue out of the closet.
What a beautiful hub VioletSun. :-) I enjoyed reading your thoughts and your honesty about the whole thing. I had to grin at the image of you making funny faces. I guess we all have feelings over a certain topic because we all have our own opinions/perceptions. What we do with it is up to us. :-)
Well, I kinda suffer from the same "back pains" (ahem) as hot dorkage! I'm just not as ticked by masquerading stupidity as something valid as I am with masquerading a BELIEF as something valid. A belief is only valid to the one who believes it. That is what really ticks me, and what gives me a very tough time with fundamentalisms and, consequently, a D- in tolerance...
Thumbs up to you, VioletSun, the world is a better place with kind and accepting people like you.
An excellent personal account and rendition. I often find myself reacting to the more fundamentalist oriented folks with disbelief and incredulous nature as well as near derision in my mind.
This is a reminder I also wanted to receive.
Hi Violet, Great hub, from the heart, and the head. THanks. I've just started reading a book by Byron Katie (of The Work) called WHo Would YOu Be Without Your Story. It's about the thoughts we think, and then believe, and then act on -- and how if are thoughts are distored (ex/ ALL xyz people are bad) then we begin to believe that, and project our beliefs on to the world. So we see what we project, which proves to us that our distored thought was actually right.
Another example of this is our (mostly North AMerican/European) beliefs that success is an individual matter. But Malcolm Gladwell shows in Outliers, very interesting examples that show that belief may be incomplete. Quick example, most of the elite hockey and soccer players in Canada, US and Europe were born in the first 4 months of the year.
Put an 8 year athlete born on Jan 1 in a league with another 8 year old born on Dec 31 of that same year, and the first kid is almost a year older. And bigger, stronger, faster…
So that kid gets chosen to play more, gets on an elite team with better coaching, more practice time and gets even better than the other kid. By the time they're 15 or 16, the gap between them is huge.
Most of us would just reflexively believe that Jan had more talent than Dec, but that might not be true. Dec might have have had more talent, but because he was smaller, younger, and less experienced, he did not get the same opportunities as the Jan born kid.
THere's lots more examples in the book. Check it out. I talk about in my Hub about the 10,000 hour rule of prractice.
THanks for the great hub
Thank you VioletSun for your light and love to help me think about and view my own.
Good afternoon everyone! Wow, didn't expect all these responses, thank you:)
Pam: I also have a problem with someone pushing their beliefs on me, or folks getting belligerent because we express a different view, however, I found myself being annoyed with the writer because of her beliefs, and here I was being a little like what I don't like in others. hehe.
CW: Absolutely! It takes two to tango to create a wave of mutual intolerance.
Joe: You are a half assed Catholic? Hehe, had to smile at the image. :) I was born Catholic, have priests in my family, and though I don't practice the faith, I love to go to an empty church, light candles and say my prayers. I agree, what matters is how we are on the inside.
Ripplemaker: Thanks for your comments, and actually, I thought of you when I wrote I make funny faces as you have a hub with a picture of you making a funny face, LOL!
Elena: Nice to meet you! Thanks for your honesty too!
TKIMWRSVC: Yes, to me its almost scary to see the anger and passion of some fundies, thank God, they don't represent the behavior of the members of that particular religion. I think of the Muslims, not all are bombers.
Bruce: I had little chills when I read your comments; will check the book out. I understand about projections and such, so the topic interests me. One thing that Phil (my lifemate) and I enjoy watching in ourselves and others, is that what the person is most angry about in antother, is usually (not always) a trait that they posses, but may be unaware of. As an example, my ex one time called me a selfish woman, and I may have my faults, but selfisness is not one of them, however he was a very selfish individual, one that he admitted to being later on.
Dottie: Thanks for reading and commenting!
Thanks everyone, for your comments!
VioletSun, great hub! Very thoughtful. I think, from what you described, you were not really even that annoyed with the writer's beliefs so much, as with the verbal ticks that being in a religious community sometimes produce. There are some people who were raised to say things like "may he rest in peace" every time they mention someone who is dead or "god willing" every time an uncertain event in the future is mentioned. They've been trained to talk this way, and yes, it is a kind of brainwashing, but it may not be the person who is talking to you who is making the attempt. They may be pre-programmed to talk that way without thinking.
There was a funny example of this in Paraglider's recent hub about Washington D.C. Now, we all know paraglider isn't religious, but did you notice this sentence:"I like to think the Obama family will be happy there, insha'allah, between National and International crises! " I guess if you live in a Moselm community long enough, inserting these quasi-religious interjections, like "insha'allah" just becomes automatic!
VioletSun, you did not, did you really? Hahahaha
Nice Hub, Violet Sun,
It would be a beautiful world if we were all a little more tolerant. Religious beliefs are a personal thing, and I have no right to impose my values onto somebody else. Sadly, fundamentalism is fuelled by ignorance and fear, often sensationalised by politicians and the media.
Hopefully, we can all learn from your example, and embrace our differences!
Aya: Very interesting point! Had not thought about how some of our expressions, be it religious or cultural is programmed in us, and this may have been the case of the err... annoying writer. I often exclaim, OMG! when I am reacting to something with intensity be it good or not. Thanks for pointing this out!
Ripplemaker: Yup! hehe. You have a picture of a startled expression in one of your hubs, and its funny. I make those kind of faces too. So much for being a "grown up" LOL!
Sufidreamer: Thanks for your right on comments. Fear and ignorance is what fuels a lot of the imbalances in our world.
Very interesting hub, violet. Like the general consensus seems to be leaning towards, I'm just going to back it up by saying fear is a strong, driving force behind virtually everything today, and it's not just religion. Political machines run on fear (and oil!) and the corporations keep us in fearful ignorance to stuff their pockets. It's a sad day when we fear the people who claim to be the 'angels of light'. Merry Christmas!
Hi, t.keeley: I agree with you totally, our society uses fear to control and to profit from it. I dislike some of the TV commercials that suggest we are all falling apart healthwise.
Merry Christmas to you too!
Hi VioletSun, such a blazing display of the light and love you now possess. What a beautiful Christmas experience. I embrace you for such a loving act. Your honesty and sincerity is highly admirable. You are a blessing indeed.:)
Hi, dayzeebee: Thanks for your kind comments, and always good to see you! :)
Aw, happy holidays, VioletSun! I'm so proud of you that you caught yourself in that moment and realized how you were reacting. I loved this hub, it really made me think about how we all can be more tolerant of others beliefs, no matter how silly it may seem to us, sometimes.
Nicole: Boy, that was a rather humbling experience to see how I too was being intolerant of the lady's belief system- and all she was doing was sharing about her life. I am glad I could see it. :)
And Happy Holidays to you too!
Personally, I believe that introspection is the hallmark of wisdom, and tolerance the crucible of faith. I also believe you have shown yourself an example of both in this piece.
Tom: Thank you very much for reading and your beautiful words.
VioletSun - very good hub. Intolerance isn't always wrong though, insofar as some belief systems are not worthy of respect, especially when pushed as 'truth'.
Aya, re "There was a funny example of this in Paraglider's recent hub about Washington D.C. Now, we all know paraglider isn't religious, but did you notice this sentence:"I like to think the Obama family will be happy there, insha'allah, between National and International crises! " I guess if you live in a Moselm community long enough, inserting these quasi-religious interjections, like "insha'allah" just becomes automatic!"
There was nothing automatic about that! It was my deliberate tongue in cheek provocation of the coterie who insist Obama is 'really' a Muslim (as if it mattered).
Paraglider: Yes, we need to use discernment in what we tolerate or not.
Hey, I keep on hearing about your Washington DC hub, not sure where, but in a comment here and there; will take a peek.
Thanks for commenting.
Well said, VioletSun! I've experienced similar reactions to articles about what Lord Jesus wants or expects of his disciples, which have also led me to question the roots of my intolerance.
I think you touched on the thing that upsets me most in your article--we don't know who God truly is or what happens to us after we die, yet we all have beliefs pertaining to these issues. When people frame their beliefs as absolute truth, it strikes me as arrogant and shortsighted. I think it's much better to engage in respectful dialogue; discussing our beliefs as the extensions of our perceptions and experiences that they are, instead of saying, if you look at this chapter and this verse in this book, you will see that God clearly agrees with me and my beliefs are superior to yours.
I do believe religion can be a force for good, but only if people stop using it to breed conflict and illusions of superiority.
Great hub!
Melissa: I had little chills when I read your words because I felt like it was me writing them, you added the perfect touch to what I wrote; you understand me perfectly when it comes to the tolerance issues. :)
Thanks for stopping by! Looking forward to reading more of your writings.
VioletSun--I completely understand where you're coming from because that's how I felt while reading your hub. I'd been contemplating writing a hub about beliefs and intolerance for the past week, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that you'd already taken care of it!
I'm glad we're such kindred spirits. :)
I wish we were all a little more tolerant. It takes an open mind to want to understand where other people are coming from. Like you, as long as no one is being put to death or maimed for their beliefs, I think we should just listen and try to understand. Open-minded people will inherit the earth, or what's left of it.
Hi, Coast Runner: Yes, keeping our minds open helps us to understand others, and I think ourselves as well. Thanks for reading and adding your comments. I enjoyed reading one of your hubs and will look for more of your work.
Marie- I wish more people were big on practice rather than talk. "Treat thy neighbor as thy brother" even if the neighbor belongs to a different race, color or religion. As once Gandhi said "I love your Christ. I don't like your Christians, because they're not like Christ."
CW: Ghandi expressed what many of us observe and experience when faced with intolerance.
Thanks for stopping by. I see you didn't get to travel to India as planned. Hope you enjoyed your Holidays.
great article of awareness and self examination. Thanks for sharing!
Violet- I mentioned my trip reasons in a email. Btw that link about "believe or not to believe" isn't available anymore.
Jxb7076: thanks for reading and commenting! :)
CW: Yes, I got the email, thanks! Ooops, I think I may have copied the link incorrectly, will try again. Thanks for the heads up.
Hey, everyone: There is a new hubber who wrote a hub with a different slant on the discussion of tolerance that Countrywomen and I write about; worth checking out as it opens the opportunity to see a different approach and views.
Many thanks for linking me, VioletSun!
Melissa G: I also toyed with the idea of writing a hub with my personal view of tolerance regarding other's beliefs, and then I read VioletSun's and also ColdWarBaby's, and thought what else is there to say? :-) But the thing is, when it comes to beliefs, there can be as many hubs as people in the world, because beliefs are personal --and that's the beauty of it. I don't think there'd be so much intolerance floating around the atmosphere if we all just open-mindedly and respectfully accepted that what works for us may not work for others.
Elena: You are most welcome! And thanks for linking me to your hub. :)
Happy New year Miss Violet. Wish you a wonderful year filled with peace and happiness.
Ashwin
Thank you! Happy New Year to you too! Left New Year's wishes in your latest hub, but it doesn't hurt to double the good wishes.
We all are here to learn. Spirit will put you in places from which you can learn if you are aware. good hub. happy new year!
Muley: Absolutely! Everything is an opportunity for growth.
Thanks for visiting and commenting, and Happy New Year!
Thank you for having the courage to write such a heartfelt piece. I am not the type of person who is normally comfortable discussing religion or my beliefs but this really struck a nerve. I too have felt the urge to roll my eyes or make a face when listening to someone else talk about their beliefs. Not because I don't like what they are saying necessarily, but because they are not open minded enough to accept they might be wrong. Hope and faith are replaced with I'm right and you're wrong.
You are a wonderful writer who's thoughtfulness and caring really shines through the words you put down. I look forward to reading more of your Hubs.
Hi, Jim: Your comments made me smile with appreciation, thank you! Its fun meeting another eye rolling writer, LOL! And yes, a closed mind is quite a challenge to deal with, as there is no room for growth.
Good insights! It seems that the need to always follow "I'm right" with "and you're wrong!" causes a great deal of trouble. Surely there is more than one truth! :)
Suzanne: True, reason why I never get into arguments about religion or spirituality.
Thanks for reading. :)
If we are irritated by every rub, how can our mirror be cleaned.
The world is as you see it.
Everything happens for the best.
I really like these statements by the 'realized' one's. I agree with your hub. Thanks for uplifting the world.
Jeniffer: I agree, everything serves even if the human mind may not see it. Thanks for reading and your kind words.
Great introspective reality check hub. I work with psych patients and get an array of "religious" ideas thrown at me constantly, sometimes screamed in my face with spit flying. Hypocrisy I can tolerate, but hate I can not. Any "religious" actions that promote hate of others to me is useless.
I notice disgust building in some co-workers on the psych unit who may not have a level of faith that I have. I find it really easy to become hypocritical myself. I must monitor my own thoughts constantly. I learned to let go of expecting other people to have the same rational thinking that I have. I have found it VERY freeing. Then I can view people who hate as simply sick or uneducated. Now that's a person that I want to help heal and educate! Hey, that's what Jesus would do right?
Hi, Blake: I have found that letting go of attachments and expectations in general makes life easier, as there isn't that inner tension if they are not met. Congratulations on letting go of expectations for others having the same rational thinking as you, it takes inner work to be able to do this. Thanks for reading and commenting!
VioletSun, Very insightful. It is so true that we don't really know what God is or what happens to us after we die. Each person's beliefs are personal, and who can judge that.
I love your image of "wielding machetes and pitchforks"! I hope, like you, that I only roll my eyes and make little faces...not scare the children.
Kari: LOL! Good idea to stick to the clown faces and eye rolling as I like children. hehe. Thanks for reading and commenting.
wow. I tend to get a little tight myself at comments like that. I feel hypocritical and then try to relax a bit. I myself wrote a hub on acceptance over tolerance. A few days later I read a beautiful hub. She ended it with a "when we all walk with the lord jesus..." and my knee jerk reaction was "Oh that ruined the story for me". I felt like slapping myself for feeling that way. I have always said, if you are going to be religious, you should go in whole hog, otherwise what is the point. She was not throwing it in my face. She was not insisting on anything. It is good to know that it is a human reaction that others share. It shouldnt be a "dont ask dont tell" world. Just dont have the crusades and ram it down my throat. Thank you for your hub. I always need reminders.
Paper Moon: What a pretty screen name by the way, :), I had to smile while reading your comments because I understand exactly what you are saying. Guess, its human to have our reactions, no matter how accepting and understanding we may want to be.
Great reminder VioletSun - how often we do the very things that irritate us about others! It is human, yes, but the wonderful thing is, we do have the strength to fight it!
Shalini: Isn't it amazing, how we get irritated by what we also do? :)
Thanks for stopping by, always good to see you.
i enjoyed your hub
Thank you, jajeisan, and love your avatar! :)
What an enlightment and although I am a Christian I certainly do appreciate this hub. It opened my eyes even more. Thanks Violet. :)
Aevans: Thanks for reading and glad I didn't offend you since you are a Christian, and it just so happened the fundy Christian writer was a great teacher to me, made me look within, without her knowing it. :)
This was very good!
Hi, Di53acy: Thank you for reading and your comments. I read it again, and realized I wrote last Christmas, my how time flies! Glad you brought up this hub for me again with your comments. :)
Girl, you rock and I am liking you more now than after the first hub I read. When I started to read this hub my facial expressions were also reflecting disappointment in your response to the Christian but as I continued to read I was glad to be able to breathe realizing that yu are very much a girl after my own heart. That's exactly what love is all about, not judging but accepting, not necessarily tolerating obvious wrong but being patient and gentle with each other. We all do have a choice in what we belive, even Christians know that Jesus gives us complete freedom of choice and while He bids us to "Come follow me", he does not force or beat up on anyone who prefers not to. So once again, you have impressed me with your open, sincere kindness and I will be in touch!:)
Outspoken writer: I was chuckling at visualizing your pretty face making clown faces, when you started to read my reaction to the Christian lady. hehe. I have life long Christian friends, and I feel perfectly comfortable going inside a church to pray. We are all friends because they accept my belief system and I theirs. I am not religious, but I am deeply spiritual. Thanks for visiting and reminding me of this article, it was one of my aha moments, and wow, its almost Christmas again which is when I wrote this hub.
Hi Violet sun, I perfectly understand on how you react to other people's beliefs. I am a christian but keep it personal. If I were to share my beliefs with anyone other than the Pastor, I would be looking for an argument which is usually the case when it comes to talk about religion. I have learned that beliefs are met to be personal and not be shared. Personally, if anyone who tries to convert me or try to get me to follow their beliefs, I back away and say this is not for me.
Wonderful
Thank you, Chris!
I love your Hubs - this one is my favorite! Coexisting is challenging - your analogy from Dr. Dwyer was very insightful! Thank you very much!
GmaGoldie: I love Wayne Dyer, he writes and speaks in such a way that combines his training as a psychologist and spirituality that makes it very easy to understand his insights.
Thanks for reading and your support. :)
VioletSun,
I had to share this! Wonderful! I agree with GmaGoldie, Dr. Dwyer is insightful - you two are great teachers.
All4Jesus, That was an eye opener for me when I found myself reacting with judgment. :) Thanks for your kind comments!
This really made my night to read,i just had gotten into a pretty heated argument with my ex about christainity and i know i really offended her and i feel really bad, reading this i think helped me find a peace with just letting people learning things in there own time and letting her believe what she needs to, if it makes her happy. Thanks a lot!
Joseph, I am very grateful to read your comments and that it brought you peace. Understanding that everyone is where they are, (which includes ourselves) and tolerance helps so much with healthier relationships and our inner peace.
SweetiePie Level 6 Commenter 3 years ago
You are very tolerant and open minded to be thoughtful to write this. Honestly I have a hard time reading some fundamentalist Christian writing too and that may be my intolerance, but it is often a reaction to reading a biased piece. I guess at the end of the day I have to tell myself if a person needs to be intolerant then more power to them, but I will not let that bring me down. Even though I am a Christian I have had people write hubs about how my interpretations of the Bible are not correct because I do not believe in judgement, and a few people still harken back to that again and again. Oh well, if they need that to make them feel better. I have come to accept I will believe what I believe, and they will believe what they believe.